2:35PM - The frustration
Don't you hate it when there is someone out there that is perfect for you, but can't do a god damn thing about it? Bah.
Current mood: 
disappointed
disappointedAm I going the right direction with my life?
Seven of Swords
in the "Self" Position
Main (positional) Meaning:
Through self-discipline you have honed new skills of observation and perception; now you know how to come out on top.
The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.
With the Seven of Swords in this position, you have cultivated the attitudes, habits and disposition of a winner. You have trained yourself to instinctively notice the opportunity, positive potential or advantage in a situation.
Although this may not be a characteristic you originally possessed, you have disciplined yourself in such a way that you naturally seek out the openings in your life. You have learned to look past all the obstacles and setbacks you encounter as if they were already conquered.
King of Cups
in the "Situation" Position
Main (positional) Meaning:
A wise and compassionate guide provides reassuring support.
The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.
When the King of Cups is in this position, you may be the beneficiary of clear guidance and support. Compassion and guidance is available to you from some quarter, perhaps even from some part of yourself. This king brings out the best in people by opening himself deeply to them.
Having such a resource on your team or in your environment is a confidence building experience. In his sphere, new connections are created naturally and spontaneously. In a sense this person is like the bass line in music, acting as both the rhythm and the chord. The King's solid contribution provides substantial support.
The Hermit
in the "Challenges/ Opportunities" Position
Main (positional) Meaning:
Abandon distractions and external pursuits in favor of an inner work.
The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.
When the Hermit is in this position, go inward and indulge the contemplative monk or nun within you, the mystic that wants to be left alone with her meditations. This is your challenge. If you can pull yourself away from all superficial distractions and relationship concerns, you may receive some important guidance or insight. This card is suggesting that the hermit part of you is ready to be engaged.
Such a deeply gratifying experience involves sacrifice. The usual entertainments and comforts must be let go of for the period of time while you are tapping into Spirit. Relationships don't have to suffer, however, if you simply make known your need for some private time to recharge your batteries.
New job, new car, new g/f, new goals, and new outlook on life= Life is good =)
Relationship stuff
Current mood: awake
What is your current relationship status?
Single.
What is your sexual orientation?
Straight
What sort of people do you like, as far as what their interests are in life?
Someone with goals and easy to get along with.
What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?
Teeth, eyes, legs
What kind of fashion-sense attracts you?
Clean
What kind of hair style do you find attractive on a potential mate?
I love long hair. The darker the better.
What is the usual age range you look at?
I always end up with someone younger. Age really doesn't matter to me at all.
What traits turn you off?
Bad hygiene, bad attitude, drama queen, and a liar. If you feel you can't tell me the truth then don't waste my time.
Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?
I rarely ever date.
Are you afraid to ask people out on dates?
Kinda
If you're single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?
I wouldn't mind it. She would have to not want to see me every waking moment because I am super busy.
What are the positive points about being single?
Time, less worry, save money, and I can focus on my goals better.
What are the negative points about being single?
Nobody to cuddle with and talk to when I am home. I get lonely pretty easily.
When single, do you often find yourself longing for companionship?
Nah. It is not a necessity in my life.
How well do you handle rejection?
I'm getting pretty damn good at it.
Do you miss your last sweetie?
A little bit.
Do you think it's better to look for love or let it find you?
I don't even try. If it's there, it's there.
What's the longest relationship you've ever been in?
5 years.
The shortest?
4.5 yrs
Do you think couples should spend a very large amount of time together or space things out a tad?
Space it out and not smother each other to death.
Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment?
Not if it's the right girl.
When involved with a person, do you try to think about the here and now or do you often think of the future?
Mainly here and now.
How do you prefer to handle disagreements?
Reason with each other. No yelling or fighting.
How do you feel when your mate is mad at you and won't tell you why?
Frustrated.
Do you have a crush right now? Do they know?
Yeah, I'm sure she knows by now.
What's the longest period of time you've ever had a crush?
Long time.
Have you ever confessed your feelings to a crush?
Yeah
Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?
I'll let my friends know.
Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?
All the time.
How do you feel about long-distance relationships?
Don't bother.
Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?
Yes. I'm glad my step dad was in my life since I was 2 and my bro was 1.
What would you do if you got pregnant while in a relationship?
Pretty sure I can't get prego.
Would you get involved with someone if they were previously married?
Only if there was no kids involved and she really didn't like or talk to her ex.
How big of an issue is religion to your compatibility?
Believe what you want.
How big of an issue to you is your mate's ethnicity?
I can see past it.
In a potential mate, how important is intelligence to you?
Extremely. I can't stand listening to stupid people.
In a potential mate, how important is a sense of humor to you?
Huge.
What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?
Real love.
What was your first kiss like?
Valentines Dance. It was awesome.
What part of a person's body do you find most attractive?
Not sure.
What's the first thing you look at when you look at someone you're attracted to?
Face.
How important are the looks of a mate's face to you?
Pretty important.
How important are the looks of a mate's body to you?
Not as important as the face.
When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?
It's usually the girl cause I'm a chicken shit.
Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren't seriously involved with?
It's been known to happen.
Were you single at the time?
I think so.
What are your ticklish areas?
Back of my neck sometimes.
Have you ever turned down an offer for sex?
Plenty of times.
How much do you think sex changes a relationship?
It does if your relationship is solely based on it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 [10 being the highest] how would you rate your sexual attractiveness?
6
Would you stay with a lover if the love stopped but the sex was still enjoyable?
Not sure.
Would you stay with a lover if the sex stopped/got boring but there was still love?
Yes
Do you believe in love?
It's out there.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
No
Has someone ever told you they loved you?
Yeah
Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
Only to 2 girls.
Have you ever told someone you loved them and not meant it?
Never
Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?
Monogamous.
Have you ever been married?
No.
How do you feel about marriage?
I could deal with it if I found someone I could dedicate my life to and if I was financially stable.
Do you plan on having children someday?
Not on purpose.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yeah
Have you ever had an emotional pain so bad it made you sick or physically hurt?
Once. I was crushed.
Have you ever been cheated on?
Probably
Have you ever learned an important lesson as a result of a break up?
My first break up changed my life and who I am.
Have you ever gotten back together with someone after breaking up?
Yes.
Did it work?
I didn't try to make it work.
Have you ever broken up with someone and remained friends afterward?
Yes. It scares her b/fs pretty bad.
Have you ever broken up with someone and become bitter enemies?
Never
Have you ever broken up with someone and lost touch?
Yes. I spent 4.5 yrs with her every day and haven't spoken or even seen her in 8 yrs.
Have you ever longed to get back together with someone?
Yeah, but that was a long time ago.
I pretty much have all new friends, new job, and I'm now a cagefighter. I fucking love it.
Don't you hate it when there is someone out there that is perfect for you, but can't do a god damn thing about it? Bah.
disappointedMyspace has been sucking ass for the last month. It seems to only want to work 10% of the time. Now it's telling me I need to log in so I can log in...WTF?
Well it's pretty much been same shit different day for me. It's been pretty fucking lonely. I havn't spoken to anyone in days. I havn't played any music because it just ends up depressing me that I am not in a band. To play I would have to go over to Sarah's house where all my shit is to do so, and that would bring me down also. Denny doesn't want to jam anymore since he hooked up with some girl. I really missing having my friends around. My 2 best friends ever have pretty much moved on. Damon moved to TX and it's still weird without him around. Sarah is so busy there is no time for me anyways. Everyday I just try to keep myself busy and I am running out of things. I have no drive to do anything but be lazy. I end up staring at the fucking computer all day hoping someone will just stop over.
I went jet skiing for the first time a couple weeks ago. That was a blast. I never thought I would like it. That was the first time in at least 5 yrs that I have swam in a lake. I couldn't tell you how long it has been for a pool. Actually, I could. The last time I was in a pool was coming home from Spring Break with Katie in 2000. So it has been awhile..lol.
I try to keep a good lookout but little things always bring me down. I always want everything to be perfect and of course they never are. I fix one thing, then two more things break. It never ends. I need to get my ass in gear and get stuff for my business kicking. I am changing the name and I am going to start to advertise. I'll take suggestions on painting company names cause I can only think of a few I like and they are probably taken already.
Sleepy pills are kicking in so I gotta run.
-N8-
hopefulBah at everything. I really fucked my self over this time. I have a few days to come up with rent. Was a bad idea going to Texas for sure. Though I didn't know i was going to work about 60 hrs down there for free...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
irritatedOut of my 31 friends here, only 4 have updated the last few months.
It hasn't really been an eventful day by any means. Going out to The Machine Shop tonight with Aaron. We havn't hung out much since Hydromind broke up. I watched some videos of Hydromind. I can't believe how long we were together. We all looked so young in the vid's. Quite depressing actually.
Last night I forgot my keys after I locked the apartment up. I met my neighbors finally. They were also having key troubles. Their key broke off in the lock. I also ran into Brandon Miller. He was at Mo Doggies totally wasted of course. He said something about being locked up for 3 weeks because of posession of something other than weed. I don't buy his story at all. He was making an excuse about why he hasn;t showed up to jam the last month. He wasn't calling me and Super Fluke stood me up for the last month. I sit there waiting and nobody shows up every time. Not even a fucking phone call to say they are not going to make it out. I need to fucking jam so I took my drums and jammed out with I Decay. Hopefully I made a better impression this time. I played all the songs they asked me to play without an error. They are covering the Trivium song "Like Light to the Flies". It just happened I already knew how to play that song =). Their lead guitarist is no longer with them so Bret moved to guitar. They are currently looking for a new bassist now.
Well I am off to go play ome EQ2.
Later all,
-N8-
anxiousWooooooooo! Children of Bodom is playing tonight at Harpos. I havn't been there in quite awhile. My favorite band at the moment. they are kinda tied with Arch Enemy at the moment. I was at the Machine Shop last night to root on Dejection and Selfless. It was a battle of the bands. Some lame fucking band won it. Their first song you could literally sing "Bodies" by Drowing Pool to. The winner gets to go record with Skinny from Mushroomhead, and they get to be shopped around to major labels. Fossick is not a band I would want to represent Flint. What a waste of an opportunity.
Bret and Gumby from I Decay asked me to come jam with them again. I might...not sure yet. I really like their band but there seems to be a lot of drama in it also. They change members around a lot. I'm not sure if their lead guitaist is still even in the band. The more I think about it the more I think I will just go jam with them. I havn't played a real show since March. Yeah..i'll give it a shot.
Well I am off to get ready to rock out in Detroit like I used to every week.
Take care,
-N8-
excitedWell I obviously havn;t been around for awhile. Been really busy with work and what not. Made 2500 bucks last week so that helped me catch up on things. Still painting but a whole new situation. Things are looking good. I have been playing EQ2 a lot as usual. Jamming out on the drums every chance I get. I have to get up early to go to a funeral with Sarah. Her uncle died and she wants me to go with her.
Laterz,
-N8-
Found out yesterday there was a security leak or whatever at the State Bank and somebody has all my info. So now I have to cancel the damn thing and get a new one. That also means I have to update all of my automatic payments and such. Fuckers.
Work sux as usual.
I have been working on making a Chain Mail shirt. It is a LOT more work than I thought it would be.
Still nobody to fucking jam with. This is extremely depressing.
My life has absolutely no purpose right now. No goals,no drive,i'm a nobody. It's really fucking depressing.
I painted my bar area to make it look like castle blocks. I'm into the medieval look. Looks real, everyone that walks in has to touch the wall to make sure they aren't.
Went up to the beer tent at the Summer Happening. Didn't really se anyone there this year. Only a few people.
The kitten attacks my foot while I try to sleep and the other cat likes to wake me up with annoying noises. No way that cat has been in heat for 2 months.
All the dreams I have had lately involve me kicking someones ass cause they messed up my fast food order. I swear they only hire retards around here. Pisses me off sooo fucking bad.
I would love to say I am doing fine but I am really not. This whole fucking year has been horrid so far. I'm back to the no money,no car,no fucking license cause Sec of State is only opened during my work hours, and I'm out of shape. All I do now is work when I can and play Everquest 2. Nothing for me to do anymore.
frustratedBeen a really long time since I have updated. I have a lot of catching up to do reading past entries. I have been working my ass off since it has been really nice out. If it's nice I go to work and if it rains we have another job to go to. I'm happy. I've been playing Everquest 2 a lot since I am a geek. Speaking of geeks I also went with my mom and little bro to see Star Wars. The last time I went with my mom to see a movie was back in '90 to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My little bro at the time was less than a year old. He's 15 now.
Cutting this short because my connection is messing up. Somebody moved in below me so it's thier shit is blocking the signal I am using.
Laterz all,
-N8-
calmStill frustrated. Just can't shake the feeling. Took my dad at to see his friends this weekend. We had a good time. He rarely gets out of the house after his stroke. He's doing really well now. He's a lot stronger and quicker.
The guy I carpool with to work disappeared Friday. I missed that day of work and still have yet to hear from him. My boss hasn't heard from him either. I played Texas hold'em for the first time. I won over $248,000....too bad it isn't real money. I played against 8 other people on the NTN at Mo Doggies. I still hold the #1 spot =).
I Decay is stressing me out sorta. One minute they want me to play for them..the next minute the guy playing for them now decides to stay. He then quits again but now another guy steps into the picture. I hate competition. Bret said they are going to have me come jam with them again when I called him...that night they post something about another guy filling in?? Tim said they only practiced once since the Mushroomhead show but that was with the previous guy. So how does this other guy get the spot without even playing? I also see a post from them looking for a new singer. This might not be the band for me. It seems like they have a lot of shit to sort out first. I really dig their jams and hopefully I get to be the full time guy. Ya never know. Tim said he wants to come jam with me even though all the shit is going on. He also wants to jam with me because none of the other drummers can play stuff like Arch Enemy and Children of Bodom. I am currently looking for a serious band now. I'm not waiting for them any longer. I just wish I Decay would figure out what they want to do and tell me so I can figure out what the fuck to do....lol.
Did I mention I fucking HATE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
80 degree weather all last week and now a foot of fucking now......sickening.
Rock on,
-N8-
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